Autoescuela: Part 1

“Back to school…  back to school… to prove to Dad I’m not a fool." - Billy Madison, 1995

Why has this throwback been replaying over and over in my mind lately? Well, let me tell you.

Back to School

Right now I’m sitting in the library in the Old Town amongst various groups of teenagers studying together. Just like them, I’m studying, but I’m alone at my table and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who has an eight-year-old upstairs being tutored in Castellano. This past week, hanging out with teenagers and studying has become my M.O. because I have returned to school, more specifically “autoescuela.” If you know that “escuela” means “school” you’ve probably deduced that autoescuela is driving school. ¡Madre Mia! (insert other various palabrotas here).

Yes, that is right. Although I have an American driver’s license and have driven more years of my life than I haven’t (and have even mastered driving a stick shift), I am not legal to drive in Spain. If you read my blog post “Un Dia de Mierda” you already know that I’ve been driving in Spain. As a matter fact, since that post I’ve managed to earn another “multa” (traffic fine) which arrived in the mail recently. It was for an illegal move I made while attempting to navigate my parents to their hotel in Alicante in January. Luckily I figured out how to pay the ticket within ten days. Traffic fines are “half price” if you pay within ten days in Spain (because this discourages people from contesting them, which would extend the issue long after the ten day period). Next to my kids’ artwork on the fridge, hang my traffic violations, and if I continue at this rate, I think I’m going to need to start a scrapbook.

Motivated by Multas

Last Friday Davin and I dropped off the kids at school and were driving to the gym. We watched a car in front of us (in our same lane) make a left turn in front of the police officer who was on crossing guard duty for the kids going to school. We needed to go the same direction but waited until the next street to take a left because it seemed safer. Within seconds, the policeman had hopped on his motorcycle and was behind us with lights flashing and siren sounding. ¡Hostia!

We pull over and although I’m feeling unnerved, I’m so relieved that it’s Davin in the driver’s seat and not me. Davin gives the officer all of our documents which we had well-organized in the glove box. Davin gave the police officer his MN Driver’s License, his Spanish residency card, a copy of his passport, and his International Driver’s License (while showering the officer with respectful “Ustedes”).

Backstory on the International Driver’s License:

The International Driver’s License was something we had purchased for $25 at AAA in the U.S before we left. It is a paper booklet that translates an American driver's license into a bunch of different languages and we had read that it was a good idea to have one of these when going abroad (though now I believe it to be a total waste of money and rip off). On the front of this booklet, written in pen (by AAA) it stated “Expires February 20th, 2016.” But someone may or may not have changed the “6” in 2016 to an “8” with a black pen to buy us some time. We heard that Americans technically only have six months of legal driving grace period in Spain before that have to have a valid Spanish drivers license. But we never were able to find concrete evidence of such a rule and therefore, kept it in the back of our minds, never taking action. When we were pulled over on that Friday we had been living in Spain for over six months.

Savvy Policeman

We sat in the car while the policeman looked over the documents and talked on his radio. I wasn’t worried because we were well-prepared with all the necessary documents and more-- until I saw him start eye-mauling the heck out of the International Driver’s License. He sat there staring at it for a good five minutes with his nose two inches away while we watched through the windshield and tried to hide our concern. Eventually, he came over pointing at it accusatory and said “FALSIFICADO!”  (¡Joder! ¡We are in trouble!) I start mentally preparing myself to be arrested and thrown in jail for forgery and imagining us car-less with no way to pick up our kids from school at the end of the day.

Two more police eventually arrived on the scene, which seemed a bit excessive. The second one started going after Davin again for the falsificación but luckily the topic moved to the issue of how long we’ve been living in Spain. The first cop did the math and says we’ve exceeded our six-month window since we arrived in August. The second, after radioing back and forth with HQ for quite some time, decides that we are still within the six-month window because we didn’t actually get our residency cards until November. (Ahhhhh...deep sigh of relief).

We ended up driving away with a €80/40 multa, and a stern warning that we have two months to obtain our Spanish driver’s license. After enduring twenty minutes of stressful uncertainty regarding the falsified document accusations and unclear laws, I was pretty satisfied to drive away with an affordable ticket.

So what IS the law?

It is impressive in Spanish bureaucracy how little communication there is between departments and government employees. Often it appears that rules are make-them-up-if-you-don’t-know for those that hold a government job, which makes seemingly simple processes extremely uncertain for foreigners. However, in this case, the officers had reason to be confused. While they are used to dealing with foreigners (which make up half the population of Javea), these foreigners are typically Europeans. I have come to learn through reading blogs, scouring the internet, and talking to various expats, that the Spanish drivers license requirement depends on what country you come from. Spain has agreements with all countries in the European Union as well as many South American countries. If you are from any of these countries that have a driving agreement with Spain, such as the UK, you simply bring in your UK driver’s license, pay a fee, and they hand you back a Spanish driver's license. It's that easy.

However, if you are from a country that does not have an agreement with Spain (like the U.S, Russia, Australia, etc). You have to go through an extensive and expensive process to obtain it, which I will explain. But first, can we please note that according to these agreements or lack thereof, that all of the Brits living here who learned how to drive on the LEFT-hand side of the road (opposite side than in Spain) do not have to go to school and pass an exam whereas we do. !Hombre!

So you have to get your license… big deal….

FB Post to Javea 

Well, actually it kind of is. I will be sure to keep track of how much we spend on this process and report back but I’ve heard that individuals spend on average between €600-1000. And you have to pass two tests: a theory test and a practical behind-the-wheel test. If you fail, which most people do at least once or twice (and I’m talking native Spanish speakers), you can plan on spending more money to retake the exams. ¡Joder!

Talk about taking Spanish language learning to the next level! My Spanish flashcards went from animals and sports to car parts and complex driving terminology. The level of commitment I have to Spanish learning just increased ten fold and I felt that I was working pretty hard to begin with. On Wednesday, I attended my morning Spanish class from 9:30-11, Autoescuela class from 11-12, then my afternoon Spanish class from 12-2. My brain hurt afterward.

And may I please take a moment to self-depricate about how un-cool I feel?! I walk to autoescuela and enter the small classroom full of teens half my age who are running through practice tests on the computers, seemingly underwhelmed by the whole process.

Whereas I show up with my driving textbook, notebooks, multi-colored pens, and kill the battery on my phone from constantly using my Google Translator App. I frantically scribble notes in Spanglish (and I’m the only person taking notes), and I probably stare a little too hard at the instructor because I am so desperately trying to understand. Then when he says "¿Me entendeís?" to everyone, they all nod and I sort-of-half-smile because I sort-of-half-understand. But I don’t want to ask him to re-explain what is a potentially super easy concept to the rest of the class that I’m simply not understanding because of language comprehension!

Big Goals

Davin is also enrolled in autoescuela as of this week but the level of commitment is impossible for him at the moment with work, so I’m the guinea pig, but happily so. I have to admit that after dreading this hurdle I’m actually excited for the challenge. It feels similar to deciding to run a marathon: training for something that I know is possible, but have never done, and therefore, it seems SO far from reality right now. Poco a poco

So here I am, announcing my goal to everyone that someday (soon) I will be able to say that passed driving school in Spain: both the written and practical exams in Spanish just like a native.

Please pray for me.