Minnesota Nice

Introducing “Minnesota Nice”

Minnesotans are good people gosh darnit! I know because I am one of them. Generally, we are a hard-working bunch who always strive to do the ‘right’ thing. We are survivors of harsh, inhospitable winters that last seven months out of the year. We take good care of our environment and our 10,000 lakes, which we even manage to enjoy year-round despite the 150 days of below freezing temperatures. Most importantly, we are “nice”, and we are proud of it! We even wear t-shirts proclaiming it:

So what does “Minnesota Nice” actually mean? Well, if you’re a high school student you’d immediately consult the most credible, reliable, authoritative, (and easiest) source to find, Wikipedia, which states:

“Minnesota nice is the stereotypical behavior of people born and raised in Minnesota to be courteous, reserved, and mild-mannered. The cultural characteristics of Minnesota nice include a polite friendliness, an aversion to confrontation, a tendency toward understatement, a disinclination to make a fuss or stand out, emotional restraint, and self-deprecation.”

This definition is pretty spot-on in defining me and my family. We always refuse offers, at least three times, before finally accepting (hesitantly), we are extremely awkward when you pay us a compliment, we don’t like to talk about politics or potentially controversial subjects, and we aren’t comfortable with physical contact from strangers.

I didn’t realize all of this until I traveled outside of the United States. My first time in an airplane was at the age of eleven when I went to Russia. Talk about culture shock!  Later on in life, I studied abroad in Perth, Australia, and afterward, adventure-backpacked through New Zealand and Fiji along with many Europeans. And now, living in Spain, befriending expats from all over the world, has compelled me to reflect on my stereotypical Minnesotan characteristics.

So how does “Minnesota Nice” fair in Spanish culture? For me, the cultural contrast is most noticeable in how we greet others, our non-verbal communication styles, and the degree to which we speak directly.

The Spanish Meet-and-Greet…..and Kissing

I find the Spanish meet-and-greet to be lovely. What you say when you meet someone for the first time is very straightforward:

• “Mucho gusto” - pleasure to meet you, or
• “Encantado/Encantada” - enchanted

But what do you do when you meet someone for the first time in Spain? Well, it’s very different than in Minnesota (MN). In MN it is typically a handshake, especially if meeting someone for the first time. After that, it’s gray area. Depending on how friendly you are and how long it’s been since you’ve seen that person, it could be a hug from the extroverts or a “smile-and-wave-from-afar” from the introverts. Guys get off easier than gals with the “handshake-hey-bro-pat-on-the-back”. I have dreaded ‘hello’s’ and ‘goodbye’s’ my whole life because of the inevitable anxiety associated with “what do I do?!” In adulthood, I finally made the choice to, when in doubt, go for the hug but even then there is “whose-arms-go-where-awkwardness” potential.

I’m still only developing comfort with the Spanish meet-and-greet, but I what I love is that there are hard-and-fast rules; men shake hands and women give/receive the “double kiss” (right cheek, then left cheek). Done. No gray area. Phewwww! And it’s the protocol with everyone- your property manager, acupuncturist, surf classmates, and of course, friends. Many of our friends are not Spanish but have adopted this golden standard. I find this peregrine “double kiss” to be warm, classy, and charming. It’s not really a kiss, but more a touch of the cheeks and a simultaneous making of the “mwaa” noise (if you want).

Spaniards are dedicated to this practice. Every Saturday I meet a group in the pueblo for language intercambio and it so happens that I am the only female. As all the men arrive to the cafe, they greet each other with handshakes, but when it comes to me I get the double kiss...from all seven of them. At first, this felt so strange. But after a few weeks, I have to admit that despite my aversion to drawing attention to myself, I enjoy this classically romantic gesture. And it’s not just the men who greet with warm reception. I was on a walk with a girlfriend and Davin happened to come running by unexpectedly. Although he was red-faced and sweaty, this was their initial meet-and-greet, so Ana went straight in for the double kiss! My reaction was, “Wow! Ewwww! That was really nice but unnecessary.” Her response was that it was necessary because that’s what you should do. Perhaps ‘“Spanish Nice” trumps “MN Nice” in this case.

When everyone adheres to the same practice, everyone is at ease. Just as I thought I had this all figured out, I ran into my next door neighbor. She is a lovely older Swiss woman, who I hadn't seen for weeks. I assumed the double kiss was protocol and I leaned in with confidence. We went through the motions, right cheek, then left cheek, and as I turned my head to speak to another neighbor, I got this awkward corner-of-the-mouth-kiss, which I didn't even see coming! What happened?! Well, apparently it's the "triple-kiss" in Switzerland. My education continues.

Getting Hands-On

In addition to the meet-and-greet, Spaniards are very animated, passionate, hands-on communicators, very different than Minnesotans. I rarely have a conversation with a Spaniard where he/she doesn’t reach and out touch my arm or shoulder many times when they are talking. It still catches me off guard because we are such “hands-off” communicators back home, always careful to stay out of people’s personal space.

After five years of public school teaching in the states, it was eye-opening (and terribly refreshing) for me to see physical contact between students, teachers, staff and parents on school grounds in Spain. On the first day of school, I watched kids run up to their past teachers with hugs and kisses which were enthusiastically returned. It was truly heartwarming. In the US, I was trained never to touch a student under any circumstance, and that if they initiated a hug, I was to “back off and put my hands in the air in case somebody witnessed it and turned me in.” Gross. This concept was terribly disturbing to me. Every day in Spain, when I drop off and pick up the kids at school, I see parents planting kisses all over their kids’ faces, and I often see family friends doing the same thing. Kids are so highly valued in Spanish culture and much of that is communicated from people -beyond their parents with loving physical affection. Scientific evidence tells us how physical touch improves our well-being as humans, and I think Americans are missing something important that the Spanish understand.

Is It Possible for Minnesotans To Say Actually What We Want?

Another stark culture difference between Spain and Minnesota is our different styles of verbal communication. How does a timid, non-confrontational, self-deprecating Minnesotan fair in Spain? Fine, however, the minute I open my mouth it is more-than-obvious that I am an extranjero (foreigner). It’s not because I can’t pronunciate properly, but because of the level of ‘politeness’ we speak with in English that isn’t normal in Spain. For example, if you go to a cafe in MN the conversation goes something like this:

Server: Good morning! Welcome to (blah blah) cafe! How are all doing? What can I get you to drink?

Customer: Oh well gosh, we’re doing fine, thanks. Could you please, if you wouldn’t mind, bring me a coffee? Oh and I don’t mean to be a pain, but I’d prefer soy milk instead of cream. But if you don’t have it seriously, it’s no problem, I just thought I’d ask.

Here is a directly translated equivalent of the same scenario at a cafe in Spain:

Server: Digame     (Talk to me)

Customer: Me pone un cafe solo.   (Put an espresso on me)

Server: Claro.   (Understood)

(I left the soy milk request out of this conversation because this isn’t Starbucks.)

When a foreigner goes to order a cafe in Spain they tend to say in Spanish what they would normally say in English:

“Por favor, puedo tener un café?   Please, am I able to have a coffee?

“Es posible que yo tengo una café”    Is it possible for me I have a coffee?

You will never hear Spaniards saying this, but to English speakers, saying “Put a coffee on me!” feels rude and uncomfortable direct. Ultimately, it is not rude, just a cultural difference that has to be learned; which is especially challenging for the overly-polite tendencies of those raised to be “MN Nice.”

Be Yourself

I’ve always found that being immersed in different cultures provides a great opportunity to reflect on who you are. It helps you gain awareness of things in which you want to improve on, and hopefully reaffirms the values you are proud to call your own. Living in Spain has made me realize that I would like to be more confident saying exactly what I want and/or mean (without feeling rude); I would like to naturally reach a hand out to an arm during a conversation; and I would like to look forward to “hello’s and goodbye’s” because I’m comfortable with what to do. I’m proud of the Minnesotan values instilled in me to be polite, kind, humble, and to work hard, all of which make me and my family great American ambassadors abroad. I think people are often surprised when they find out we’re American because it’s common for Americans to be stereotyped as loud, arrogant, materialistic, and culturally aloof. But what they don’t know is that we aren’t just average Americans, we’re Minnesotans! dontcha know? and gosh darnit, we’re NICE!